Final Free Hugs Campaign

Let me gives you Free Hugs !!

There was a man who doing a campaign about free hugs which offer free hugs for anyone, that man was a man with brown medium hair and quite good-looking. He stood in the middle of the street while holding a sign about offering free hugs for the pedestrians. At first, some people tried to keep their distance from the man while the others were toying with him, they react as if he was a freak who tried to do a sexual harassment, but then an elderly woman asked the man to give her a hug. The man gladly accept and gave her a hug then  that was  the turning point of the campaign, some people started to ask the man to give them a hug. either they are women or men, they asked the man to give them hugs to ease themselves from uneasiness or sadness. The man asked people who participated to give their signature as symbol of their support for the campaign. In the middle of the campaign the police came and prohibited the free hugs campaign, they tried to stop the man and his colleagues, but then after hearing the explanation they allowed it, then the man and his colleagues stood up and explain the purpose of the event,  after  that they continued their free hugs campaign  and they got 10 thousand signatures.  In the end, they got 10 thousand signatures and many people performed the free hugs, even one of the police accept it when someone tried to give him a hug, the main point of the video from my point of view is about how people giving and accepting kindness from each others, how we unite and cast away the lonely feeling in our heart, togetherness and equality for the better society and future

Reviewing friend's article

Free Hugs for every one
Article by Edi Suryanata (3B)

In the video we can see a man who doing a campaign about share the happiness with hugs. he was walking in the downtown while holds sign " free hugs". The first when he wanted to show the action, a lot of people who just smile and move away when he greet, but him never give up. And then the situation was changed when an old women come to him and then him asked to get a hugs from him. the man gladly accept and gave her a hug. the situation was changed after that there are many people saw that and some people wanted get a hugs from the man too. every person who passes are always asked to hugged him like young man, women, old, and kids wanted to get a free hugs from the man.

Because a lot of people there and the campaign that conducted by the man was banned by the police. The man tried to explain what was the purpose of the event. After that, the police allowed him to continued his event. so many people to do the same and finally the man give a signature list to the people who wanted to get a free hug and supported this event. Every one who supported this event will give a signature and finally 10 thousand signature from people was reached. After that the police permit the man to continue his campaign and it's awesome when every people can share a hugs and happiness. This video have a lot of moral, this video can tell us how important respect and share a happiness.
(http://edysuryanata1.blogspot.com/2013/10/campaign-about-free-hugs.html)

Topic sentence of 1^st paragraph

(a man who doing a campaign about share the happiness with hugs)
I think it supposed to be a man who doing a campaign about sharing happiness by giving free hugs, we need to inform the reader about what is the article about

Major supporting sentence  
he was walking in the downtown while holds sign " free hugs"
Comment: I think there ts supposed to be “Holding” and not “Holds”

Minor Supporting sentence(s) (The first when he wanted to show the action, a lot of people who just smile and move away when he greet, but him never give up) I don’t think it’s an appropriate minor supporting sentence, so I suggest you to check and make a better one

Major supporting sentence 2 (the situation was changed when an old women come to him and then him asked to get a hugs from him)
I think the tense is mess up, It supposed to be “The situation was change when an elderly woman came to him and then asked to get a hug from him”

Minor supporting sentence(s)

(the man gladly accept and gave her a hug.)
Comment I think you write it in the correct way, good work man

(the situation was changed after that there are many people saw that and some people wanted get a hugs from the man too)
Comment: please don’t push yourself to write a long sentence, because I think this sentence can be divided into 2 sentences, you need to pay more attention about marks

(every person who passes are always asked to hugged him like young man, women, old, and kids wanted to get a free hugs from the man)
 Comment: I don’t really understand the tense here, isn’t supposed to be “Every people who passing there were asked for a hug from him” and the rest of the sentence ? I think you need to pay more attention on you tenses and grammatical order

Topic sentence in 2^nd Paragraph
Because a lot of people there and the campaign that conducted by the man was banned by the police
Comment: I think the structure of the sentence isn’t right, It supposed to be “because there are lots of people”
Major supporting sentence 1
The man tried to explain what was the purpose of the event. After that, the police allowed him to continued his event.
Comment: please carefully write your sentence, after “to” we can’t use “ed”
Minor Supporting sentence(s)
(….)
Comment: it seems that I can’t find the minor supporting ideas here, you need to add it to make the situation to be clearer
Major Supporting sentence 2
so many people to do the same and finally the man give a signature list to the people who wanted to get a free hug and supported this event.
Comment: check your grammar again, its not “To do” but “Do” or “Did”
Minor supporting sentence(s)
. Every one who supported this event will give a signature and finally 10 thousand signature from people was reached
Comment: good sentence but still have some incorrect here and there, I mean it “Supports” and “Achieved” not “Supported” and “reached”
After that the police permit the man to continue his campaign and it's awesome when every people can share a hugs and happiness

Concluding sentence (….)
sorry but I did find a sentence about what is the moral value or such, but you did not write it in the proper way, you need to do it in a better way so that people will get what is the point of your writing

Grammar > Please give extra attention about your grammar, lots of tenses were messed up and I think it’s bad for your writing, it would be nice if you correct them soon

Vocabulary > the words selection is not too bad, but please keep so that the vocabulary will support the grammar, phrase like “to hugged” or “to hugs” aren’t really appropriate here. So please try to do better in the next assignment

Mechanics > I think the structure of the text is good, the plot progressing well and we can get the point clearly, but I just wondering why you write about the police twice ? I mean, you already write that they allowed the campaign, and after several sentences you write again about they permitted the campaign.. weird for me, so please re-check your writing before you post it

it's so good to be able to write a review about our friend's writings, i seems we can compete and exercising to make our writing skills better

Review by Bhisma Griwanasta (3B)

My Classroom

My classmates and I often uses the room 2.5 for our classroom, the room is quite wide with lots of big windows on its right side, at the evening this classroom has a very beautiful sunset scenery with The Reddish Sun which slowly fading away in the crowd of buildings, it’s because my Collage’s building is surrounded by many other buildings such as Church, Houses, Offices and Schools, the view near the windows is something that will not disappoint you. In the sunny evening, we can see the clouds drifting away with its oranges colors, the temperature is a bit chill because the wind blows gently, the empty desks and Chairs line neatly in silent because we rarely have any evening class, such a perfect place to relax after having a hard time with classes and lots of assignments. Whenever I sat near the windows, I’ll be surely fall asleep and ended up getting extra lecture by my lecturers, another thing that really enjoyable is about the sounds of Adzan (Muslim’s prays) that echoes from the nearby Mosques, it blends perfectly with the scenery and created a harmony which is irresistible.  The best part is in the back row if the seats, we can see the twilight even just for a little moment from the back seats, there is also a cabinet on the front left corner of the room, the cabinet is big but sadly its empty tough, the whiteboard stays in silent in the front while keep ready to be used anytime.  And since my classroom is in the 3^rd floor, we can see things that most students can’t see, like the scenery of the hill from east to the west. That’s my lovely classroom which never fail to lift a bit of tiredness out of my mind.