New!

I'm so sorry for being away for so long (in case somebody watched over this blog all this time)
its been pretty tiring to fight with myself about to continue writing in this blog or not
I want to improve myself, my writing and my life (if possible)
so please for those who are reading this post
I beg you, please keep supporting me by giving me advice or even better, critiques!
I'm on your care, please guide me...
*bowing head deeply

Best regards!
Griwanasta

Maiden in love

I know nothing while my woes continued
alas I remembered nothing when he bid me farewell
leaving, out of the window just like how he broke in
to a maiden in love, you stood as my only muse

But the story stopped, no plan to continue you said with a sigh
leaving a blank paper in my hand, wanting me to make my own story
but no one there to wipe my tears nor to hear me cried
for days will be never be the same as you who will never be there

Now I remembered the days where you were here
laughing and playing all day with no concern for the upcoming tomorrow
but the person in question will never be here
he lost in the crowd we called life

Dear my love, my truly one
time passed, people change
now let me to travel for this story to unravel
I am a maiden in love, but not with you, not anymore
someone is here, waiting for me, filling me with something you took away from me
let me be, let him be… let us depart here
it is time to bid farewell, to you and to my past-self as well
for I am a maiden in love

Writing III Narative II

To be optimist

Everybody has their own reasons to keep struggling to achieve their dreams or things that they want, they motivated themselves to work the hardest for the sake of things that they had dreamt of for the longest. But  I am afraid to say what I want out loud, I keep it for myself and cowering in fear that I will never be able to achieve anything. I am afraid that people won’t let me to do things that I really want to, especially my father, he has lots of expectations from me as I am his oldest son. I am always afraid that one day I will disappoint him because I am unable to be the person he want me to be, I was someone that you called “pessimistic” since I was only seeing things from negative point of view because of my fear. But then I changed after my encounter with someone special, she encouraged me to try to be myself, she cheered on me when things won’t work as what I had planned, and she also gave me strength to stand still as myself despite of the trials appear before me.

It was back on my days when I was still on my high school; I first met her when I studied about poems at the library. She asked if I like poem and she encouraged me to learn to write good poems, soon I sent several poems and short stories to the wall magazine of my school. She accompanied me to submit my work and it was the most nervous moment in my life, in another chances she help me to find inspiration for my writings. She often read my works and criticize it objectively so I was able to learn from it to overcome myself, she was the very first person who telling me to be brave and I was able to convey  my feelings through my stories appropriately thanks to her.

But things won’t always work well in life, and she was still there to cheered on me. The writings that I submitted wasn’t published because it was over the due date.  I was down and almost give up on my passion, I think that it was useless to be able to write but if I can’t make it fast, but then she slapped some sense to me. She lectured me to learn to accept that there is no one perfect,  she asked me to learn to be more positive and optimist. She showed me lots of good poems that was written by famous poets, the one that I love the most is “La Belle Dame Sans Merci” that was written by John Keats (1819), I tried again and now I pay more attention to the due date, Indeed, one week later the writings of mine was published and my friends were praising me for it, telling me it were good and I have talent. All thanks to her that I get more motivation from my friends, together we form a circle of young writers in my school, a few days later we went on a trip (school trip). I wrote a report about our activities during the trip and it turned good so it was posted in my school’s blog.

My father was one reason that turned me to a pessimistic individual, he is someone dear to me and I don’t want to ended up disappointing him and make him hurt because of that. I ended up following all of my father’s instruction and being a doll so that he will be happy to have me as his son. But that girl made me realize that I could not be like that forever, she taught me to stand up and be myself no matter what the others say. Back then I was originally selected to enter the science major class, but then I gathered up my courage to ask my father to let me switch my major to language major. I decided to switch my major so that I can learn about literacy better than what I had already leant so far, I thought of learning about literature more serious and I already set my heart on it.  I ask my father for his time and talked to him about it, he was furious as I expected but then I stated all of my ideals and beliefs so that he will understand what I really want to achieve. My father finally gave me his permission to switch my major, he only remind me to keep my words to be more serious in study so it won’t disappoint him. I thanked that girl for her helps and she said to me to be more optimist about my own dreams, because I have to choose my own future, I could not speak clearly about myself then how will I lead my life later? She opened my eyes to stand up and speak up about what I truly want.

Human are blessed with so many potentials that goes beyond any prediction about the future, as human you have to believe in yourself and the power within you.  Miracles do exist and their grow stronger alongside with our hopes and faith, you can do it if you believe in yourself and give all you have to struggle against the fate. Trust yourself and keep moving forward

By I Gede Bhisma Griwanasta
For Father, Sisters and All... and 'You'

Writing III Narative I

Being in Love, Be Retarded

“Love is not blind, its retarded” it’s an old proverb that spreads among the net society where I usually logged in to chat with others, and I fully agree with that since its true about how love can makes you to do silly things. Being in love will stop your brain from thinking rationally, everything that you know and planned will be wiped out by your “feelings” and you will act irrational with “because I’m in love” as your reason. Your way of thinking will also reduced from objective to subjective. Why? “Because I’m in love” is what they will answer, the world will stuck with you and revolve around you and your beloved ones only, her/his happiness will be yours too while your pain will be yours only, trust me because it’s true. I really am feeling uncomfortable when there are people dating around me, I feel left out since I’m single and all just enjoying themselves, they also started at me with pity and think of me as a nuisance, and it’s totally awkward to be in the same place as them.

I’m a student of English Education Department (EED) of Faculty of Language and Art (FBS) which is part of Ganesha university of education (Undiksha), for me it’s not a surprising thing to see people dating at the FBS’s lobby especially on Saturday or Sunday. I think the lobby has somewhat turned into a popular dating spot for reasons god only knows why, not only the upperclassmen but even my classmate comes there frequently. It was 2 month ago when I experienced something that is quite unpleasant regarding this matter, I was working on my writing assignment back then when a couple of student come to the lobby, a boy and a girl holding hand walking toward the place I sat and they finally sit right beside me. 2 hours passed and it was pretty tiring to see people dating, laughing and enjoying themselves without even considering the place or people around them, I hardly concentrated on my assignment because they were very noisy and I also somewhat find it was annoying. After that I decided to leave since I lost my mood to continue on my works, I really am uncomfortable with people who tactlessly dating around me.

On another day, I met the same couple when I made promise to do my other assignment my groups at the lobby; they started to stare at me who decide to sit on the other side of the lobby. At first I feel nothing since I has no ill intention to interrupt  their date, but soon noises start to fill the lobby, they started to get serious and my headphones can’t even block the noise they made. I took a glance at them and I saw the girl’s eyes, she gave me a faint smile, after that I tried to finish my assignment as fast as possible so that I won’t be a nuisance for them. However, I was feeling so thirsty so I took a bottle of water from my backpack, but the bottle slipped away and fell with a hard sound, “Crap!!” I murmured as I realize that the boy stared at me with half surprised and half pissed expression on his face. Not too long, another couple arrived and started at me, Oh I was so ashamed… if I know it will work this way I prefer to stay at home that day. I left shortly after I finish my works.

It really was awkward to be in the same place as people who are dating, you will feel that the air is heavy and you will feel suffocated because you think of yourself as a nuisance. I met other couple on another day, they dating at the lobby just when I waited for my friends. The boy was friendly and greeted me while the girl offered snacks, they were very kind to me and I really am grateful for that.  However, its so awkward when I accidentally broke the mood between them and I really am ashamed about that, I mean I have to be careful so I won’t ruin the mood or hindering their date.

I know it was weird for me to think that way, but I personally think that date is something that private and need to be considered so it won’t disturb the others. Moreover, this experience make me believe that love is somewhat dangerous and I’m not ready yet for it, it’s need lots of things to prepare and other factors. Surely this is something that a slow-witted like me can’t afford.

By I Gede Bhisma Griwanasta
For those you aroused by love

Writing III Descriptive II

Old Friends

“Old but Gold” said an old saying, stated that something old or having a longer existence means that its possess values that can’t be easily replaced by the new ones. I’m totally agree with this proverb since I have experienced it by myself, about how precious the things that have been with us for a long time. But in my case, it s not a thing but something more valuable than others, it is about me and my old friends from the day of my middle school. I really am grateful for the chance to meet them back then, because they are precious to me and can’t be replaced, they have been with me for the longest though many hardships together, they knows and understand about me more than the others, and we also sharing the same dreams and interests.

First of all, my old friends have been with me for the longest time, we have gone though many hardship together and its something that strengthen our bonds. I first met them about 7 years ago; it was when I first returned to Bali after living in various places. It was awkward for me who was a returnee and I still remember it about how kind they were, they accepted me who was confused by the new condition of new environment and taught me about cultures here in Bali. We spent our time by hang out at the game centre near our school, and even now we still keep in touch with each other, they were the very first friend I made during my middle school days. Sometimes I recall the memories that we shared together and  I realize about how important they back then and even now.

Secondly, another special thing about my old friends are about how well they know and understand about me. They know the things that I like, the clothes that I prefer, my good side and bad side are also something that they are familiar with. They also had known things about me that most of people could not accept, but they were always there whenever I need a push to move forward. They always give me support and motivation when I was down, and they doesn’t hesitate to criticize me when I got ahead and turned arrogant. I really am luck for having them as my friends as they always able to accept me for the person I really am.

 Thirdly, those old friends of mine are rather unique, each of them really do share the same interest with each other. During our leisure time, we used it to gather in the game centre and gaming all night long. We still doing that kind of thing even when we are university student now, we often joined game competition for regional event. Last year, one of my friend asked to join a game competition known as “RO2”, and we were very anxious since it was our first competition after entered the university. We fought hard and ended up as the 4^th winner, however it was a good memory for me since we enjoyed our time during the tournament because it is precious. Not only that, but they also help me to achieve my dream to be a good writer, they help me to gather materials and samples to make good stories, and vice-versa as I help them with theirs. They are precious part of my life for various reasons.

 My old friends aren’t things that easily replaced by any other people, no matter it is my lover or new friends. They can’t be forgotten and will always by my side in joys or sorrows, struggling together to achieve things that we always believe on. They have known me for years, they are always cheered on me and will be there when I need them. They accept me for the person I really am, we share the same interest and they sees the world as what I do. We’ve gone through many things that strengthen our bonds, they are not people who will be forgotten or replaced by me. 

By I Gede Bhisma Griwanasta
for Surya Puri Adyana, Yuu Okawa, Yogi, and others who I adore so much

Writing III Descriptive I

My Beloved Grandma

When someone ask you “Who is the most precious person for you?” what will be your answer? Or if you have to chose about who you are really cared for? Who will be it? For all these years, people had asked me the same things and the answer always stay the same. It’s not my girlfriend nor the girl I had my crush on, not the kind-hearted lady who keep smiling for me. It is my grandmother, someone that I really look up to and cared for because I loves her so much. She was the one who took care of me ever since I was a baby, my parents were so busy with work at that time, they were transferred away and grandma took care of me. I love my grandma the most because she was the closest person to me, my grandma was loved by other members of my family also. She was a very wonderful person with many positive things to learn from, she loves literature and arts, she also taught others to be more aware of the value of life and kindness.

 Astamona Oemar, that was my grandma’s name back to her younger days. After she married my grandpa. She received “Nasution” as an addition to her name, “Nasution” here is a family/clan name of my grandfather’s family, she always said about how memorable that day when she married my grandpa. She loved cooking and was the best cook I ever know, she’d been cooking for our family for normal and special occasions. However, it’s a shame that no one among her six children who interested in following her footstep in cooking, none of us inherit her talents and passion for cooking. She was also interested in pastry, I often asked to help her to bake cakes and that was the best moment I ever have with her, it was always delicious every day and I’m grateful for having her as my grandmother.

Back then on her younger days, my grandma was known for talents which were not on cooking but also in arts and literary things. Almost all member of my family praised how beautiful her voice was, she was also part of a group of traditional dancer, she joined the troupe on her younger days and went to various place to perform the dances. She spent her leisure time to listen to old record of 60’s era singer, and then she also sang while cooking or when she helped me to take a bath as well. On my uncle’s wedding party she asked my grandfather for a dance, they were very cheerful and gracious on that time. On the other hand, she was very good on literature. She was really into things like poet and traditional drama, I think this is the reason of my interest in literature because she often took me to some group meeting where they read poet and also performed theatrical acts. On holiday she usually took me to bookstore and bought me picture book about ‘Nusantara’s folklores’,  she treasured books from various genre and her collection of books are still kept in our old house at padang sidempuan, Medan.

My grandma took care of me when my parents left me because of they were busy with works, she treated me kindly and taught me many thing. She raised me to be a man who can stands proudly to himself, she taught me the customs, the value and many other things that other were not aware of. I learnt about many thing from her and she showed to my little self about how to stand tall and overcome all trials which are appearing before me, to stay strong when others give up, and to keep my dignity as both man and a son of our family. She is precious unlike the others, she was teacher, mother, friend and woman I first ever admire, she is my grandma.

 Unfortunately, my grandma passed away several years ago. But the teaching and her spirit will always alive inside me, her will and her ideals will be my guidepost to walk my life. She taught me many wonderful things, she inspired me to find the literary part of me, and she also raised me with care and so much love. She will always be my dearest person for me, an  angel who keep watch over me. I love her.

By I Gede Bhisma Griwanasta

For Astamona Oemar, a woman, a wife, a mother and a grandmother who loved by all